what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
