We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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