If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
