I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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