Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
