I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
