My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
