You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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