her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
