May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
