Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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