i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
