Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
