She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
