it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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