that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just found puke in my bra..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
