First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
