hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When did angry sex become our thing?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
