Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
