At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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