I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
