I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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