please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
