absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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