There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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