Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Damn victory sex feels great
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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