Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
