He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
