Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
