both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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