first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
