She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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