Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't turn off my feet"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
