I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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