This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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