I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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