Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
