I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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