i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
