We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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