So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
