while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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