Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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