rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
