I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
