we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
