Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
