It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
