ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
