I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
